I hate that my reality doesn’t line up with what the internet tells me.
Before I became a parent, people viewed me as a parenting authority of sorts. I was a few years into running a Montessori school in Brooklyn before having my first child. Becoming a parent showed that no amount of training in early childhood development could prepare me for the complexity of family life. But just as I approached my profession, I felt certain I could fill the gaps in my knowledge through rigorous study.
The answers to these questions felt uncomplicated. Afterall, they were technical in nature. Their answers came in the form of a number or range of numbers, a yes or a no. There was no gray area. This certitude lulled me into the belief that parenting itself could be straightforward, manageable, predictable.
She was almost three when her brother was born. At two and a half weeks old, he started crying constantly and, for the most part, didn’t stop until he was about nine months old. Google will tell you colic doesn’t last past six months. Our experience told us, intensely and relentlessly, otherwise. Not only that, but from all my “research” I was gleaning that I was meant to be playmate, best friend, chef, depth psychologist, chauffeur, truth-teller, praise-giver, snack-provider, role model, boundary-setter, extracurricular coordinator, all of which I wanted to be, but most of which I simply couldn’t. Eventually I started to wonder, who is setting this bar?
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