Miss Manners: Ask a simple question, get a snippy scolding

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Miss Manners: Ask a simple question, get a snippy scolding
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Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.

I am allergic to all dairy products, so I must be careful to avoid consuming any foods containing milk, cream, butter or cheese.

As awareness of food allergies has grown in recent years, I have found that hosts often inquire about the dietary needs of their guests. For large catered events, it is increasingly common to ask attendees about food allergies. While I’m grateful for such consideration, I recognize and accept that it won’t be extended in every situation.

In a follow-up conversation, the caterer informed me which dishes contained dairy, but then scolded me, saying, “If you wanted a dairy-free meal, you should have requested that in advance.” Should I have asked my hosts for a dairy-free meal even though they did not offer it? Was it impolite for me to request information regarding ingredients from the catering staff?Miss Manners assures you that you were polite. If you had wanted to impress that upon him, you could have said, “I was not given the option and did not want to assume you could make a special meal for me. The information you gave was all that I needed; thank you.

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