DearPrudie: I feel like such a stupid, naïve fool—a betrayed wife crying to her husband’s mistress.
I am an only child, and my parents are first-generation Americans. In their culture, you live at home until you get married. I went away to college, moved back home for a couple of years, and then moved out to an apartment on my own. In many ways my parents have come to accept my independence as a testament to how well they raised me. I am 29 now and engaged. They are thrilled about the engagement. They know when I first moved away from their home, about five years ago, I had a roommate.
On the other hand, it sounds like your parents have worked really hard to understand your values and choices as an adult, and it may just be that you feel ready to tell them about this wholesale. I think that’s fine too. Don’t spend too much time trying to prep them for the news. Just say: “Mom and Dad, I know you’re curious about where we’ll live after the wedding, and I wanted to let you know we moved into a place together last year in [neighborhood].
He also mentioned that he often has his text notifications turned off because a lot of his friendships faded away when his friends got into relationships and knowing no one was texting him made him feel worse. I feel like he still may be leading me on and is too cowardly to turn me down, but I’m also worried he may be depressed.
I understand the temptation to spin a guy’s indifference or light, low-stakes cruelty as a sign that he’sreally vulnerable. I’ve done it myself, to my own detriment! It makes something petty and embarrassing feel somehow noble and important: “He only ignored me because he’s so afraid of being abandoned, like how all of his friends I’ve never met apparently abandoned him in the past.
sensitive that they have to treat you carelessly, lest they explode in a cataclysm of vulnerability, stop what you’re doing immediately and go take a long walk until the urge to knock down your own expectations passes. Good second dates happen really easily and intuitively, because both parties are equally excited in getting one set up.
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