How to accept that a parent can't love you the way you wish they would—and start healing
that she was blaming her son for not being the one to have died instead of her daughter.[3])
Say a parent comes back from work angry and flies into a rage seemingly for no reason. Children feel intuitively, even at a very early age, that this is a heat of passion moment. The parent was like a seething volcano, ready to erupt, and not surprisingly, lost it. That's the kind of storm a child can learn to weather . Moreover, a good parent, in such a case, is likely to feel guilty afterward and try to compensate children for unfairly directingat them. The damage here can be contained.
It may take many years to acknowledge to ourselves that we have been victims of parental abuse. There are several reasons for this. First, the thought of not having been loved by the only people in the world who were supposed to love and support us come what may is a humiliating thought, and we naturally look for ways of to avoid the pain ofeven at the cost of suffering other kinds of pain.
But something can be done. The key, I believe, is to fully accept that you were not at fault. A child should not have to win a parent's love nor compete for it as one might compete with a coworker for a promotion. That your parents didn't love you is simply not on you. It's on them.at fault? It could be difficult to say. While as the adults in the situation, they should have known better, they may have been enacting a psychological pattern that they did not invent or fully control.
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