AskPolly: 'Why am I lazy? Why do I put off everything I don’t want to do? And why can’t I flip a switch and just be a goddamn adult?'
By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy. Dear Polly,
All of this is to say, I’m a procrastinating, type B, introverted pack rat who would rather sit on my couch all day than do the things I don’t want to do but know I really should. Why am I lazy? Why do I put off everything I don’t want to do? And why can’t I flip a switch and just be a goddamn adult?Doing the bare minimum at the last minute isn’t lazy. It’s simply a choice, devoid of moral weight. It’s a strategy that’s mostly worked for you, up until this point. You’re smart and focused, so you can pull it off. Have you missed major deadlines? Have you flunked out? Have you had a panic attack while finishing a paper a few hours before it was due? No.
Your letter suggests to me that you actually do want to change your habits. YOU want that, for yourself. It’s not about your marriage. Because getting shit done is never simple for you. It incites a major emotional response. And I would argue, given what I know from your letter, that your response is not merely ambivalent but actually fearful. You are a fearful, avoidant person because you’re a little bit anxious about the world and the other people in it.
I’m making plenty of parenting mistakes, too, of course. No one has it all sorted out, and even when it seems like we’re close, we still surprise ourselves by waking up one day to find that the habits and identities we’ve chosen no longer fit. But in order to notice that, we have to notice how we FEEL and also interrogate THE STORIES WE TELL ABOUT OURSELVES.
Whatever you do, don’t just keep reacting to what came before, like a very simple machine. Simple machines repeat the same functions forever and ever, and the squirrels of the world can tell whatever fucking stories they want to about them, and it all feels broken and wrong. Actively choosing who you are and what you care about, outside of the limited confines of other people’s narratives about you, is what happiness is all about.
France Dernières Nouvelles, France Actualités
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