'You’re allowed to choose not to put yourself in the company of people who make you feel badly about yourself,' writes ncolier
It’s okay to stop being interested in what other people think is wrong with you and stop considering their opinions on who you should be.
We all know people who seem to know how we should behave—better than we do—people we feel constantly judge us, who don’t seem to approve of who we are. No matter how much this judgment stings, you may feel reluctant to ignore or reject it. To do so would be to stop listening to those who know you the best, whose approval matters, and who, more than anyone else, want what’s best for you. Furthermore, these people may see issues you can’t or refuse to see.
This kind of feedback or advice usually contains a willingness to include us in the conversation, a curiosity about our experience. There is an effort to understand why we’re doing what we’re doing and our intention. Such comments are offered with respect and contain a flavor of helping, not harming, including not rejecting.
We can also sense when a critique is a condemnation, a blaming or shaming of us, and when the speaker is convinced they know how we should be different. We feel the difference when someone offers an opinion on us but owns it as their experience as opposed to some universal truth about who we are.But here’s the thing and the point of this article: It’s okay to stop being interested in what other people think is wrong with you and stop taking in their ideas about who and how you should be.
However, we are saying with dignity and power that we are okay with our choices and who we are. We like ourselves. In reality, we can deeply care about another person’s experience and, at the same time, not be interested in fixing ourselves so they’ll approve of us. We can take ourselves off their list of those looking to be fixed.
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