Here's how dopamine can fool your brain's reward system into wanting someone who doesn't make you happy
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in your brain that activates your pleasure centers. When you experience something pleasurable, such as eating delicious food, your brain releases a surge of dopamine into areas of your brain called the cingulate gyrus and prefrontal cortex.
In the case of food, you could simply start ordering something else to get your dopamine surge back. But if you are getting your dopamine from drugs and you experience a negative prediction error, you might use more and more of the substance to get the reward you were expecting. And the same often goes forThink about that initial romantic experience you had with your partner—that rush of excitement and the euphoric feeling that comes with dopamine flooding your system.
If your partner does not cooperate, however, your efforts may be in vain. You may find yourself wanting the person but not actually liking the experience of being with this person . People will keep trying for a long time to get the dopamine back. You just can’t seem to forget the initial dopamine surge that you felt earlier in the relationship, and the dopamine deficit and accompanying stress response feel awful.
Be honest with your partner about your anticipation of good feelings when being with them, and about not actually feeling rewarded when it happens. You can do this without using the word “you” or blaming the other person. Just tell them how dopamine works and that you are having the anticipation of joy but are not feeling rewarded.
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