'People with ADHD may unconsciously seek out someone that seems very pulled together, but, the flip side of that is that those people can be very controlling. It’s part of coercive control.' StephanieSarkis shares
, meaning that abusive, controlling, threatening behaviour that has a"serious effect" is not only mentally damaging, it's now also recognised as a crime.
A common aspect of ADHD is executive dysfunction – an inability to prioritise, plan and organise, which also includes problems with memory. Dr Sarkis explains how having ADHD means you are often already at capacity:"You have so many other things going on, you’re being pulled in so many different directions so it’s hard to see that a relationship is taking a turn toward abuse." This plays a significant part in making someone vulnerable, as Victoria says.
For Emily, memory problems added to her lack of confidence."My memory is pretty bad, so when I’m put on the spot and I need to recall specific examples of something, I sometimes need a minute or two to think about it," she says."Someone abusive will use that against you. If someone I care about says I’m lying, I worry my brain might be letting me down because after all it has in the past.
Victoria’s experiences of being gaslit have made it harder for her to trust people."I’m less inclined to go out into the world and build new friendships or relationships. I’m scared of confrontation, I put a lot more thought into conversations." She also relies on written communication and having a record of what’s been said:"I do chat a lot more on Messenger, or text, I’ll put thoughts down on there first.
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