It may sound counterintuitive, but carving out time to do your own solo activities while in the presence of a partner can build secure attachment.
. But there’s also a kind of interaction that falls somewhere in between these two extremes—one that reflects a looser sort of connection than engaging in a shared activity, but that still underscores a foundation of closeness.
There’s a certain kind of comfort in knowing that you’re free to do your own thing, but also, your partner is right there next to you, if you need or want anything; it’s not about ignoring each other so much as it is allowing room for solo pursuits with the option for you to engage intermittently. In this way, parallel play is a strategy couples can use to promote a predictable, nurturing environment andthe ability to count on others.
That’s important because even the most compatible partners will have needs that differ—either in general, or depending on factors like mood and energy level. For example, I like to say that after a long day of therapy sessions, I need three hours of staring at a white wall to decompress. My partner? After work, he’s immediately ready for a rewatch marathon of. I’ll no doubt be begging him to turn it on after I have a moment with my favorite bit of drywall.
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