Everyone on ThisIsUs is sad, but not everyone is the same amount of sad. So we made a ranking
Welcome to the Sadness Vortex. Photo: Ron Batzdorff/NBC Looking to forget how sad you are and think about how sad other people are? You’ve come to the right place! This Is Us, NBC’s weepiest drama to ever weep, returns tonight for its sixth and final season, which means soon you can stop crying about real things for an hour so you can cry about fictional things.
But why? She just seems pretty together. She’s very patient with Rebecca and Jack, and she’s got great style. She does not reek of sadness one bit. But why? For someone who has only been on this earth for a short time, she has suffered loss both great and small . But why? When we first meet Jae-Won, all we know is that he is into politics, he lives in the K-town section of Philly, and he’s very nice to his Grandma. He is not sad , but then he starts working for Randall Pearson, and he’s sighing on the regular.
But why? He’s in high school and is raising his baby daughter with his parents. He loves his daughter, obviously, but that’s tough. It doesn’t seem like things went smoothly with the mother of his daughter and her family, so that could come back up again. Then he meets Deja and falls madly in love, but hi, hello, we know that’s complicated. 52. Lizzie Is she sad? Hard to tell with such little information to go on but when in doubt, lean yes.
50. Sloane Sandberg Is she sad? As much as any millennial playwright trying to get her show produced so she can show up her perfect sister. But why? Malik calls his parents cheesy, and he may be right, but don’t we all want cheese, ultimately? We don’t have lots of details, but we can infer they had a tough go of it at one point and Darnell made some poor choices, but they survived it together.
Okay, but is she the saddest? She doesn’t seem that sad when she and Miguel tell their friends they’re splitting up, but I’d prefer some visual confirmation on her recent level of sadness before making a permanent ruling.But why? She spent all this time dealing with Kevin Pearson’s demands for his perfect wedding only to have it canceled at the last minute!!
44. Jordan Martin Foster Is he sad? He certainly makes me sad for all of us, since we have to put up with his shit. But why? Because for all its egg life, the front of the egg has gotten all the glory! What does the back get?! But why? Beth has every reason to sad-sack around town: Her dad — her favorite person and biggest fan — died when she was a teenager; her dreams fell apart; her mother was cold … oh, does this sound like I’m describing Kate Pearson? That’s because the two suffer almost the same fate, but Beth! Doesn’t! Wallow!
Okay, but is she the saddest? Her “I’m Finding Myself” Drastic Blonde Bob haircut would like you to think so, but we know better. 35. Carol Clarke Is she sad? Her “I’m a tough but fair principal and a mother who wants her kids to excel” act is a good one, but deep down, she sad. 33. Toby’s Parents Are they sad? I’m lumping them together because those two deserve to be stuck on a ridiculous list with one another for the rest of eternity. And yes, of course they’re sad.
But why? His relationship with the love of his life was cut short twice — first by Laurel’s father and then again, decades later, by cancer. Still, Hai made the most of his time with Laurel, and it seems like he had a pretty nice life in between the years he shared with her, too. 29. Joe the Firefighter Is he sad? He’s at the “My marriage is falling apart so I think stealing a kid to fix it is a good idea” level of sad.
Okay, but is she the saddest? No, but honestly if anyone has the right to be, it’s the person who was named after a fan. But why? By all accounts, Jack’s dad is awful until his dying day, but in “Vietnam” we learn that he wasn’t always that way — his own father was also an abusive alcoholic and he followed suit. Plus, both of his sons go off to Vietnam and one comes back a complete shell of his former self and the other hates Stanley even more than when he left. Jack won’t even see him when he’s dying! 23. Toby’s CrossFit Group Are they sad? You know they’re all secretly sad on the inside.
But why?: Madison started out as just an annoying friend in Kate’s weight-loss group, but then we learned about her secret sadness: She had an eating disorder and body dysmorphia for most of her life. Her parents are objectively terrible. Oh, and remember that time she was just trying to be a good friend to Kate, who was going into labor prematurely, and the Pearson family basically kicked her out? Sometimes the Pearsons are the worst.
Okay, but is she the saddest? Is the reason she needed to get a new phone number a sad reason or a practical reason? The answer to that question could really shake up this ranking. 17. Miguel Rivas Is he sad? Did you see his face that time Kevin told him he wasn’t allowed to be Pilgrim Rick? And that’s like, the least of it.
But why? Dr. K’s dear wife Caroline is dead! And they were married for like 300 years, I think! And he doesn’t want to live without her! Also, his kids are mean! But why?: Have you been watching this show? He deals with intense abandonment issues from being left at a fire station as a baby, leading to debilitating anxiety attacks because he needs to constantly be the best, be on top of everything, make everyone happy, and be worthy.
But why? For starters, his cocaine addiction ruined his life. Then late in life he meets his great love in William, who runs off without a word when Randall comes knocking, and when they do finally reconnect, William only has months to live. Months! Okay, but is she the saddest?: No, but she does have to explain how Amazon.com “works” to an adult human being, and after everything she has done in her life, that’s gotta be a tough pill to swallow.But why? Look, we know you think you murdered your dad because you were obsessed with your dog and your dad was obsessed with making you happy. We get it. That moment has completely defined Kate’s life up to the time we meet her in the pilot.
Okay, but is he the saddest? There are sadder people on this show, but Kevin makes me personally feel the saddest out of everyone.