'It's not about you, it's about them, and loving them, supporting them in creating the relationships and experiences they want and need and deserve.'
, PsyD, Licensed Clinical Psychologist at the Mount Sinai Adolescent Health Center, is to recognize when we are engaging in catastrophic thinking. Dr.
Rachel, a 26-year-old survivor of interpersonal relationship violence, said that for a while, she didn’t have any triggers at all because she had repressed everything. “I started sweating and my head started spinning so I left the room,” she says of the first time she experienced a trigger. Since then, she’s become aware of other triggers, and how to work through them to calm down and feel safe.
Check in with the survivor frequently enough to help, but not so often that they are re-traumatized or don’t have room to heal. “Whatever she needs, I'll drop everything however much I can to make sure she know her feelings and concerns and memories are valid, and real,” Wren says. “It's not about you, it's about them, and loving them, supporting them in creating the relationships and experiences they want and need and deserve.”
Some survivors are learning how to create healthy relationships and identify what they need from scratch. Because everyone is different and processes trauma in their own way, some people will want to move back into their normal lives and routines quickly, according to Goerlich, because returning to normalcy is a part of how they cope. Others may discover that "normal" no longer exists, and that they need to create an entirely new way of living.
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