Initially, you are susceptible to a narcissist's manipulations because you are accountable, empathic & trusting. Once you realize they're deceptive, use 2 EI tools to disarm them.
A narcissist hides their emotional inadequacies by manipulating you.deflection, projection, denial, distortion, and victim stance
to instantly shift blame outwards, instead of looking inward. For example, Rene forgets her partner’s b-day, but instead of feeling deep remorse and accountability for hurting her partner’s feelings, sheand says, “Well, you have no idea about what I am going through! Work is killing me, and my mom is sick! I am under so much pressure!” Rene does not look in the mirror, own her mistake, and attempt to repair the hurt that she caused. Instead, she plays the victim.
For example, when the narcissist plays the victim, they are trying to make you feel guilty for addressing an issue. You may instantly realize their game when you recognize and identify your feelings of guilt. You may say to yourself, “Why I am feeling guilty when I did not do anything wrong, and I was actually the one that was hurt?” This moment of self-reflection is the step that will lead you to examine and debunk the underlying dynamic.
Renne’s partner recognizes the guilt she feels as Rene continues to play the victim. Upon further reflection, she realizes the guilt is a product of Renee’s manipulation. Instead of “falling for it”, she says to Rene, “What you did was hurtful. It is not okay to hurt the person you love and then justify it. I think I need some time.”Unlike an emotionally astute person, a narcissist is so highly defended that they have little access to deep and uncomfortable emotions.
Understanding what emotional intelligence looks like and the steps needed to improve it could light a path to a more emotionally adept world.
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