It's often hard for the children of unloving mothers to recognize their harmful behaviors—even when they're old enough to have kids of their own. Here's why, and what it really takes to break free.
Because children normalize maternal abuse, it may be difficult for an adult daughter to recognize her mistreatment.
Recognition is often sparked by the intervention of a third party, either a therapist or loved one, but the daughter has to be ready to see it.More than a decade ago, when my first book on the subject,, was about to be published, 10 professionals and I sat in a conference room, debating whether to change the title and, if we didn’t, whether the book needed a brown paper wrapper so that a reader could hide the title if she wanted to.
All young children believe that what goes on at their house goes on at everyone’s house, and that holds whether a family is healthy and functioning or abusive and dysfunctional.
The myths cast a spell not unlike those in fairy tales, leaving the daughter in limbo until, sometimes, the spell is broken.Sometimes, it is a therapist who sees what the daughter can’t bear seeing; even so, as Deb recounts, there may be resistance: