.newyorkerhumor recaps the 48 days after Tom Brady decided that he would retire to spend some time with his family, and before he announced that his place “is still on the field.”
I’m gonna spend some time with [my family]. . . . It’s not always about what I want. It’s about what we want as a family.These past two months I have realized my place is still on the field.Saw the children this evening. Spent some wonderful time with them. Or perhaps I should say near them, as the time I spent was the few moments between my entering the house after my last game and walking upstairs to go to bed.
“Can we have waffles?” one of the two male children asked. There are two boys and a girl. I believe the girl’s name is Vivian. I didn’t get the boys’ names before security removed them.Apparently, a playdate does not involve running passing routes. This was news to me. Vivian did fine, but her friend Abby just wasn’t getting it. I told her: stay positive, hit the route, and know that the ball is going to be there when you turn, Abby.The children live in the house year-round.
Every hour, a person dressed as Chuck E. Cheese came out and danced slowly and silently, the children roaring with delight. Who is this Chuck E. Cheese? Why doesn’t he speak? I didn’t understand what was happening. I tried to order a mineral water and a papaya-and-chia-seed smoothie but was brought something called a Diet Dr Pepper instead. The children ate pizza, against my wishes. I tried a slice for the first time in thirty-three years, the result being forty-five minutes in the men’s room.
One parent told me that this was her favorite Chuck E. Cheese. I said, “You mean there’s more than one?”She pulled up a chair next to me.“Well, it’s not technically a movie. It’s game film of the 1978 Tangerine Bowl, between North Carolina State and Pittsburgh.”“It’s so good! Here’s my favorite scene, with seven minutes and thirty-three seconds remaining in the second quarter. Pittsburgh has an I-formation backfield and a single wide-out right. Only N.C. State had man coverage.”“Just watch.
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