The Year’s Hottest Bachelor Is This Brainless Parisian Slime

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The Year’s Hottest Bachelor Is This Brainless Parisian Slime
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This year’s sexiest slime alive is a single-celled overachiever named Blob

Photo: Stephane de Sakutin /AFP via Getty Images .

Blob, née Physarum polycephalum, is a yellowish slime mold of abundant talent and charm who practices self-care . They have no mouth, stomach, or eyes, yet can detect food and digest it, and can move around, although they have no legs, making them the ideal dinner date. They don’t have a brain, but they are always trying to learn new things, and what they lack in brain they make up for in sexes: Rather than having one or two of them, Blob has 720.

If, like me, upon hearing this information you immediately thought to yourself, They sound perfect, where can I meet them? get in line, because the blob is being held in captivity at the Paris Zoological Park. The Guardian reports they’ll be on display this weekend.

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