“There’s a part of me that thinks, Oh shit, is it going to go back to what it was before? I don’t know! I’m worried by how comfortable we’ve had to become with each other. And now we have 40 more years to live together”
Illustration: Simone Noronha Nida, 31, San Francisco I met David at the end of November, and it was just like, instant connection. He’s 32, I’m 31, we’ve both dated enough, so everything progressed really fast. I think at a certain age you just know … Especially for me, because I dated around and tried a lot of new and different things to see what was important to me and what my “non-negotiables” were. Within a few weeks, he asked me to go to Europe.
Then, in mid-March, we went into lockdown. Everything about our situation now is … intense. I can’t tell what are small issues or big issues anymore. As soon as your freedom is taken away, everything is exacerbated. One of the fun parts about a new relationship is that you’re still hiding things from each other. I’m still keeping up the façade. Like, you don’t get to see me when my eyebrows aren’t plucked! But now, there are no rules anymore. I see you all the time.
The last time I lived with someone, I was 24, and who I was then is not who I am now. I had daddy issues. I was looking for structure in a relationship. I copycatted my boyfriend: His interests were mine; his friends were mine. I was very much more docile, and didn’t want to argue. Now, I’m more independent and more confident in my own skin. But this whole experience is really testing that. It just feels weird that my whole life revolves around another person’s schedule again.
So there’s a part of me that thinks, Oh shit, is it going to go back to what it was before? I don’t know! I’m worried by how comfortable we’ve had to become with each other. And now we have 40 more years to live together.
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