.newyorkerhumor, from 2016: Coach Simon’s postgame meltdowns have become so violent that Commissioner Mom has threatened to ban foosball forever.
A_ugust 21, 1991._ _Grandma’s rec room, Boca Raton, Fla.—_Tensions will be running high today as the Blue Team, coached by eleven-year-old Nathaniel Rich, takes on the Red Team, coached by seven-year-old Simon Rich.
Coach Simon’s postgame meltdowns have become so violent that league commissioner Mom has threatened to ban foosball forever. The young coach has promised to “be good,” but as his losing streak continues his outbursts have only intensified. Coach Nathaniel’s players, meanwhile, remain healthy, despite a controversial incident, earlier this week, in which Coach Simon physically attacked them in order to, in his words, “make it fair.”
When asked to explain specifically how the Blue Team was cheating, Coach Simon declined to elaborate.Coach Nathaniel has not responded to these allegations.: Earlier this week, Coach Simon, after another emotional loss to the Blue Team, made the controversial decision to eat the ball. While it isn’t known for sure what was discussed, it’s rumored that Coach Nathaniel was pressured by league brass to allow Coach Simon’s Red Team to win the championship.
France Dernières Nouvelles, France Actualités
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