“The challenge is that the algorithms are going to feed your kids all sorts of stuff,” the clinical psychologist Lisa Damour says. “They are designed to see what it takes to get a kid to be unable to walk away.”
,” homed in on teen-age girls), and in her private psychotherapy practice, in Shaker Heights, Ohio. Damour is herself the mother of two daughters, ages twelve and nineteen, and, although she does not discount the evidence of a post-pandemic surge in anxiety and despair among American teen-agers, she wants to recalibrate the terms of the conversation. “Mental health is not about feeling good or calm or relaxed,” she told me when we spoke on Zoom in May, days after the U.S.
Yeah, we’re exhausted and dirty to start with because we had to climb out of the ditch. “The Emotional Lives of Teenagers” was published within a week of a C.D.C. report that revealed troubling data about teen-agers—teen-age girls and L.G.B.T.Q.+ kids in particular.
The advisory highlights two things that we really need to focus on. One is harmful content, which we don’t want kids exposed to. The other is problematic use, which is spending so much time online that it disrupts the activities that are essential for healthy development, such as sleep, physical activity, time spent in person with friends, time spent helping around the house or in one’s community.
The challenge is that the algorithms are going to feed your kids all sorts of stuff. They are designed to see what it takes to get a kid to be unable to walk away. And that can involve exposing them to harmful content or deeply upsetting content. I am a hundred per cent behind the idea that it needs to be regulated by somebody other than parents.
But sometimes the emotional garbage isn’t, you know, “I had the silliest fight with my friend today,” or “This teacher is getting on my nerves.” Sometimes the emotional garbage is all of the feelings roiling inside that she can’t take out on her friend or her teacher, and instead they translate into hurtful words, yelling, arguing, these really awful fights which kids have with their parents. That’s the stinky, runny garbage that breaks the bag.
I am hearing from L.G.B.T.Q.+ kids and their parents that this is a very scary time to be a sexual or gender minority. There’s a lot of concern about the ways in which the discourse around these topics can influence how teen-agers treat one another. We do make a distinction between bullying and garden-variety conflict—the kids who just don’t get along with one another, which is to be expected, whereas bullying is about a power dynamic.
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