We tapped a few of the most popular — and legit — TikTok dating coaches to get the best advice the app has to offer
Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: @thealexisgermany/TikTok The best place to unload the good, the bad, and the toxic about dating these days? DatingTok. It’s a tangled web of “icks” , relatable ghosting stories, “situationships,” comparison traps , and the occasional fairy-tale ending. The hashtag #DatingTok has 164.9 million views alone, with related hashtags like #AttachmentStyle racking up 372.3 million views.
Limit yourself to three nonnegotiables. In a perfect world, your match would share the same taste in true-crime podcasts, have an amazing relationship with their family, vote the same way you do, and agree on where to set the thermostat. But the truth is that all of those traits can’t be nonnegotiable. You’re looking for a real live person to fall in love with, not a carefully crafted TV character.
Germany met her now-husband with her top three as a guide: someone who cares about family, makes her feel special and prioritized, and has a religion they believe in. The rest of your wants are nice to find but shouldn’t knock a potential match out of contention. Deciding on real, concrete boundaries doesn’t make you difficult. Maybe in the past you’ve been down to stay out all night on a workday or spent the holidays with their family instead of yours, even though that’s not what you really wanted. But the sign of a healthy relationship is being able to stand up for your needs and limits, even if you risk them not being the same as your partner’s.
Stop making attachment styles your whole personality. On DatingTok, your attachment style holds even more weight than your astrological sign. For instance, if you skew toward one of the three insecure attachment styles — “anxious” , “avoidant” , or “disorganized” — it’s easy to suddenly view everything you do through that lens.
Your attachment style might explain your behavior, but it doesn’t excuse it. When you shut out your romantic partner, shrugging it off as “just being avoidant” will hurt your relationship in the long run. Instead, use it to identify why your instinct is to create space when there’s conflict — and then address it with your partner.
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