“That I read this draft aloud to a new boyfriend is a testament to how confident I was that I’d since become a different, more grown-up person … Two days later, I saw that I had an email from Sam”
Photo: J.V. Aranda Welcome to It’s Complicated, stories on the sometimes frustrating, sometimes confusing, always engrossing subject of modern relationships.
I think a lot of people write drafts like these, but maybe fewer revisit them regularly. I love to reread mine. I earn a small satisfaction by privately admiring my not-that-bad raw writing from moments of crisis, and the drafts are an efficient reminder that time changes everything. Ideally, a Sad Draft will document feelings you’d completely forgotten you were even capable of having.
That I read this draft aloud to a new boyfriend is a testament to how confident I was that I’d since become a different, more grown-up person. He and I laughed together at my pathetic attempt to reprimand Sam, who clearly had had the upper hand, but when the Sad Draft switched gears to full-on earnest lamentation, we both quieted down. It just got too sad: “i still want all those things we used to talk about. a big white bed in a clean white loft. a fat dog.
Sam and I were no longer really in touch. In the years since I’d written that draft, I had stopped reaching out to him, initially through the force of self-control and later because I’d genuinely moved on. The last time we’d spoken was at least a year prior, when I’d texted him my condolences after the death of his mom’s pit bull, whom I’d known and loved.
Eventually, he did reply. “Totally ok. I’m really smiling.” He seemed to believe me and to think it was funny. A little high on his positive and relatively timely response, I suggested that we meet up for coffee anyway.
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