Why we need to learn children’s language of emotion, not demand that they use our verbal language, writes larjack1
When they cry or throw a tantrum, they are communicating to us directly, in the language of emotion.Source: Richard Reid/Pixabaywas crying inconsolably, she asked her, “How can I help? Can you tell me in words what we can do?” The crying twin kept crying. Her sister said, “TearsThat is such a profound insight. We tell children toinstead of directly expressing how they feel with emotions and behaviors. But that’s often impossible.
Most parents have already practiced this, during their child’s infancy, before verbal expression was expected. Parents learned to speak"Baby," deciphering the difference between a hungry cry, a wet cry, and acry. Do you remember what a relief it was—for both of you—when you became fluent in that language? The shift came from you learning the baby’s language, not the other way around.
—all the bodily expressions of emotion—exist for a reason: Clear, fast, direct communication of something important. This bodily system of communication appearslanguage and works when language is unavailable or inadequate to the task. If your child runs into the street you scream. You don’t say, “Excuse me, I’m feeling quite fearful and alarmed right now.”
Right. However, even in these more extreme cases, it doesn’t work to pressure children to use verbal language instead of actions. It’s too big a leap from raw primalto calm and coherent words. We need to interrupt the problem behavior if it is dangerous or hurtful—not just annoying to us, like a loud tantrum on the floor. But we can stop it in a way that validates the emotion underneath that the child is trying to express.
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