A concerned mother turned to the internet for advice after sharing her MIL’s weird behavior around her kid.
The many, many negative cultural depictions of mothers-in-law seem to come from a real set of beliefs that many people hold. While it might not be clear which came first, the MIL-joke-eggs or the real, annoying MIL-chicken,are commonly felt emotions between a person in a relationship and their partner’s parents. This situation is exacerbated when there are cultural or even economic differences between the parties.
As with so many situations in life, we adapt to this tension with humor. Unfortunately, mothers-in-law tend to be the butt of jokes more often than fathers, for a variety of reasons. First, many fathers simply do not take enough of a role to ever get to the point of being overbearing. Secondly, a father-in-law being joked about might respond with violence. Regardless of the reasons, mother-in-law humor has been around since the Classical era.
Despite this long history of mocking that exists in every sitcom since the invention of the television, some studies suggest that actual mothers-in-law are rarely offended by this humor. As usual with humans, we tend to always assume we aren’t the problem, so many surveyed MIL’s reported that the constant jokes in media do not bother them, as they are so exaggerated
. However, in the same study, the mothers-in-law also reported not finding the jokes funny. Exaggerated or not, stories like OP’s show that every myth has some bearing on reality.Solutions to the problem remain elusive. Going no-contact might work, but is also the “nuclear” option. Other couples attempt to set up effective boundaries, although this requires in-laws that both understand and respect boundaries, which is not a given.
Fortunately, OP has both identified the issue and has a partner that supports her, even if he doesn’t quite see all of his mother’s flaws. While a bad relationship with the in-laws as a catalyst for a bad marriage is a trope almost as old as the “evil MIL,”. In OP’s story, for example, her marriage would no doubt suffer a lot more if her husband had a “better” relationship with his mother and if she was less willing to create strong boundaries.
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