'I don't have much time to thank her, hug her, appreciate her, accept her and let her take care of me.'
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After multiple calls to the ambulance and her hospitalization, I realized I needed to sort out my feelings. The turbulent emotions I felt were valid – unsorted, confusing, even shocking – but valid. As I have gotten older, so has everyone else. Sometimes I forget that. Halmoni isn’t the same person she was 10 years ago. She too has aged. She isn’t the woman in my memories who was always out for evening strolls; happy and healthy. She no long has the bright face and strong voice that was eager to grab an empty pail to fill with blackberries from neighbouring bushes. It’s hard for her to even walk up and down the stairs, to stay balanced, to remember my name.
She’s always here, she’s always home, she’s always been right here. But now her leaving is becoming too real. She could slip, or fall, break her wrist or hit her head.I love her so much that when I see her stumble, my mind races with a million thoughts of what could happen.
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