When she titled her memoir, Cameron Esposito had in mind queer kids, struggling to understand themselves — as she once did growing up Catholic. 'But,' she says, 'it's also for anybody that felt that they couldn't quite measure up to cultural standards.'
I had dated men and it had felt confusing to me why people were in relationships. I mean, I liked the guys I dated. They were my friends. But I also felt a real emotional distance from them and I felt like a real physical distance from them. And then having this experience of kissing a woman for the first time was really a reorganization of all of my experiences up until that point in life.I didn't know that I was sexually assaulted in college until years later. ...
And so even as I was dating a woman, I was closeted about that. I couldn't have come out at my college at the time. It was not covered by their nondiscrimination policy to be queer. So you could be kicked out as a student or removed as a faculty member. And so that combination of things being closeted — and the shame of that, and the isolation of that — and not having accurate information about what sex really is put me in a situation where I ...
I have slept with women in my life — I have slept with people who are conditioned to say yes. And I feel a responsibility to make sure the best I can that everything that's happening between us is consensual. And that's because I have, you know, sort of both sides of that experience. And I would just say that is a better experience to feel that you're really connected to the person you're being intimate with. I would want that for men.
We work in the gig economy — we literally do gigs. I was supposed to be on a book tour right now and I've been doing these Zoom book events. You know, I'm not making my living doing those Zoom events, but one thing that's really amazing is that the audience members that attend — and it's been hundreds and hundreds of people — you can scroll through and you can see the cameras if they opt in in their own homes. ... I never get to go home with my audience.
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