A Personal Perspective: I was in a lot of denial about my drinking. Thinking about why I quit has helped me stay sober.
I didn't know how to stop drinking, and I was good at the status quo.Somewhere in my early thirties, my drinking became self-abuse. From there, it slowly worsened, mainly because I was not willing to stop and think about it much. This is not typical of me, as I am a. You can’t think too much about your life if you are blitzed. It’s science.
As I got sober and have been blessed to keep doing so, I have had a lot of time to think about why I allowed all this to happen. And how I finally found the courage to quit. So, here are some additional reasons why I slowly succumbed to addictive behaviors. And also, here are three discoveries I made about quitting drinking.1. I’d been doing it for over 20 years and almost on a daily basis for the last 10.
2. No one was really able to tell me that I had a problem. OK, my husband had tried, but he didn’t count. The others, the friends, the coworkers, the ones that “mattered” in this equation, none of them had a clue. I was highly functioning and highly good at it. My husband didn’t have a voice in this because I loved him, and so I didn’t accept his opinion because that’s how we treat people we love sometimes. He was too close to the problem and to me to matter.
4. I just loved wine. I loved it so much. It was a boyfriend who always told me I was pretty, listened, and just gave me all the good feelings. OK, this boyfriend did become pretty abusive at the end, but I wasn’t going to analyze5. I was scared to death that life without wine would be awful. I constantly analyzed that stark reality. A “dry life” came up wanting every time. There was a lot of mulling about the greyness, the despair, and the1. I don’t really know, actually.
One of the main reasons I write and talk about my sobriety is because these stories gave me so much hope in my early days of recovery. I needed to hear from other women about how they had crawled out of their pits of despair. Really, how did they survive? Did they laugh again? Will there ever be life after wine? Their stories heartened me. So, my hope is that this will help someone today to know that if your soul is sick, quitting is tough, yes. But it’s so much better.
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