Former New York mayor Bill de Blasio and Chirlane McCray may have initiated a worthy conversation about the value of consensual non-monogamous relationships
found that of 2,003 Canadian adults surveyed, 2.4 per cent had been in an open relationship; of those currently in any relationship, four per cent were in open ones. By small margins, this relationship dynamic was more likely among people under the age of 40, and was more desirable for men. The results also showed that 12 per cent said that their ideal relationship was open – meaning more Canadians want open relationships than are actually involved in one.
One of the researchers, who also privately counsels people in non-monogamous relationships, told the Toronto Star that anecdotally, many people are worried that talking about their experience of non-monogamy would be “akin to throwing a hand grenade into the middle of the breakfast table.” This is a consequence of a political culture that is insistent on the variety and depths of one’s rights and freedoms while also insisting on restrictive views of monogamy and sexuality.
There’s a lot of pressure on the invisible string that ties a couple together. Like the metal locks that hang on a sighing European bridge, coupled monogamy can bring a great deal of joy – a reminder that we humans have such an admirable desire to declare our love – but it can also be a heavy burden. Not all relationships can bear the weight; some collapse.
There’s another practical reason to welcome consensual non-monogamy. It would recognize a lurking reality: that, as journalist Jean Hannah Edelstein wrote when three Brazilians were legally married in 2012,Conversely: I’ve heard so many straight married men say “wife,” yet in tone and deed, the word sounds suspiciously like “hostage.”
So what if instead, we allowed ourselves a more expansive idea of love that isn’t solely about monogamous state recognition? Instead, love could be about the many kinds of invisible strings we attach to each other, opening up room for genuine conversations about friendship and family and obligation and devotion and care that are sorely needed – even in relationships that aren’t as rarified as that of a former first couple of New York.
France Dernières Nouvelles, France Actualités
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