ST. CLOUD, MN—Shortly after discovering he had locked himself out of his suburban home, stark naked 43-year-old claims adjuster David Ronzo began to deliver a stirring and thought-provoking philosophical treatise on the frailty of the human condition to a slowly gathering crowd, deeply moved witnesses reported today.
Following a brief period during which he panicked—first running to his locked garage door and then scrambling back to pound frantically on his front door—the nude man reportedly stopped, turned to face two confused joggers, and started speaking from his porch in a loud, clear voice. Soon, rapt passersby were steadily thronging his yard.
“Debra? Debra? Can you hear me? I locked myself out of the house and I’m naked! Help!” Ronzo continued as he jiggled the door handle. “Debra!”Ronzo reportedly went on to ponder the grim facts of mortality, but concluded his treatise with an uplifting message of faith in the indomitable nature of the human spirit.
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