'Like many of us, I often feel like a mediocre parent, but it’s never because of my anxiety. It’s the opposite.'
Trigger warning: This piece contains descriptions of postpartum OCD.
My husband and I met in undergrad, and I don’t remember ever discussing marriage or children back then. Both seemed inevitable and not urgent. I was more concerned about rising at work, paying off my student debt, and figuring out a way into Toronto’s bonkers housing market. Before I became an author, I was a journalist, and since media is notoriously fickle, we waited to try to conceive until I felt I could step away without tanking my career.
My earliest days as a new parent were tough. Breastfeeding was impossible, the baby lost too much weight, and then he was admitted to the children’s hospital with an infection. At the same time, I was plagued by truly disturbing images and ideas. I don’t like to describe all the ways I imagined I could hurt my son; it’s the stuff of nightmares. My mom stayed with us for the first two weeks of his life, and when she left, I was scared to be alone with him.
It turned out I was suffering from postpartum OCD, an anxiety disorder we don’t hear much about. I have two children now, and no medical practitioner mentioned it as a possibility during either pregnancy . Postpartum OCD can affect anyone in a parenting role, but because of limited reporting , it’s not quite clear how many of us go through it.
France Dernières Nouvelles, France Actualités
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