It's like he's doing it just to spite me.
How do I live in a sexless relationship? My man would rather jerk off several times a day than have sex with me. I want sex, and I love and desire him. If we have sex once a month, it’s a miracle, and he only does it to shut me up or because he needs 10 seconds of human touch that porn and masturbating can’t give him. Then it’s back to acting as though I don’t exist.
I’ve tried talking about how it hurts me and it hurts us. I’ve even tried writing him letters. He doesn’t care how it affects me or our relationship. He won’t even try to stop, and he can’t see that it’s a problem. I can understand doing it once a week, but he does it several times a day. I am very sexual and I have done anything he has ever wanted or desired without question. Yet he would rather fantasize about other people and self-pleasure over being with me.
I’m tired of living like this. I want intimacy with the person I love. Instead, I feel like we are just roommates.What jumped out to me in your letter was this sentence: “He doesn’t care how it affects me or our relationship.” That makes me wonder how he treats you in nonsexual contexts.
Something that might make these conversations easier is sex therapy or relationship counseling. You can see if your wife is up for it.My boyfriend of three years has recently had an outbreak of herpes. When we were first getting intimate, I asked him about his history and any STIs he may have been exposed to. He assured me all was well, and I did not ask for an exam as proof.Now I feel lied to, and in some ways, used. I plan to get tested as well.
Or he could just be lying. Sometimes people lie about this stuff because they’re manipulators, and sometimes people lie about this stuff because the stigma and shame are hard to bear and they don’t feel they should have to pay a price for decisions that a lot of people make and aren’t ultimately punished for. Everyone has a past. I think the best thing to do as a loving partner is to forgive and understand, but that task is impossible for some.
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