Dear Carol Queen:
The scenario you describe could be the result of a slightly precocious interest in sex. I use the wordconsidering their ages, since most—though not all—young people develop sexual curiosity or interest after puberty, and puberty is happening earlier now than it was when you or I were kids. This behavior could also be a signal that one or both youngsters have been inappropriately sexualized by the adults in their lives.
Another option is speaking to Mary’s parents, but you’d need to evaluate whether this might result in punishment or isolation. The deciding factor should be the family’s POV on sex and queerness, as well as the care they extend as parents in general. It seems to me that you’re linking up several things you’ve learned about Mary and are attributing them all to her sexual activity. But let me be clear—even if Mary is interested in sex, she’s too young to legally consent; both girls are. And I am not suggesting you take this situation less seriously than you do. Even if it isn’t abusive, it’s complicated, and the girls are likely not even aware of its possible effects.
Now, here’s where the situation is 100 percent within your control. What are you saying to your daughter about all this? You have some powerful ideas to share, like information about sex, safety, waiting until you’re ready, consent, and communication—all the things a young person needs to know to really give informed and empowered consent when the time comes. If nothing else, let her know about, the pleasure-inclusive, non-judgmental sexuality website for youth.
France Dernières Nouvelles, France Actualités
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