Miss Manners: What do I say when someone asks why we don’t have children?

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Miss Manners: What do I say when someone asks why we don’t have children?
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Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.

My husband and I have suffered from several years of infertility, and I am often asked why we don’t have children. As it’s none of their business, and for privacy reasons, I typically answer with, “Though it’s a desire, it has not come as easy for us as others.”

In the normal course of events, children take it for granted that their parents feed, clothe and educate them. In happy families, it sometimes strikes adult children how enormous an undertaking that is. I am a case manager at a law firm and frequently must call people at another law firm to discuss cases that we have together. Sometimes the receptionist at the other law firm will ask detailed questions as to what the call is about before transferring me to the person with whom I need to speak.

On the possibility that she may be following instructions, I’ve never pushed back, but it does irritate me.

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