Sorry to break it to you, but your romantic partner may be sharing a secret relationship.
"There used to be an expectation that couples would totally link up their financial lives, but I find that is really changing with younger clients," says Amanda Clayman, a financial therapist in L.A. "A lot of younger people don’t necessarily have that level of integration. They may not even see these things as secrets."
Secrecy is not healthy, though. If you prefer to maintain a pot of money that is yours and only yours, be above board and establish those ground rules from the start. Then on top of that, you can perhaps add a joint account for shared expenses.Since talking about money is such a taboo, it is challenging to know how or when to bring it up. You can get over that particular hurdle by carving out occasional time for you to sit down with your partner and talk about just that.
"It’s helpful if there are already money conversations happening, perhaps about planning or budgeting," Clayman says. "Having that money date with your partner gives you the opportunity to talk through whatever challenges may come up."Depending on the particulars of your relationship, and the years of baggage that may have accumulated, it can be difficult to bring money secrets up.
"You don’t absolutely need a third person, but I think it can be very helpful," says Clayman. "If the conversation gets into a red zone where the attacks are getting really personal, you have a person who can put the discussion back on the rails."If you imagine that keeping a few little money secrets will not harm anybody, you are wrong.
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