Jesse Eisenberg’s Butt Has Scandalized Me

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Jesse Eisenberg’s Butt Has Scandalized Me
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'Fleishman Is in Trouble' is not for the sexually naive faint of heart. Turns out that it is for the repressed fangirl, though, thanks to its satirical take on the New York upper crust and the foreboding boredom of long-term relationships.

, a look that killed whatever remaining attraction to him I had left. Yet even after accepting this reality—that Jesse Eisenberg is a nearly 40-year-old human man who does not and will not ever like me back—my inner teen was utterly scandalized by his latest project. In, now on Hulu, Eisenberg did the unthinkable: He showed his whole-ass ass and had sex with women that aren’t me.

Apologies to anyone who had to read that last part. But it’s true: Part of being a teenage fangirl is fantasizing that the celeb you’re into will want to kiss your face and all the other gross bits that come with relationships. In, Eisenberg—as the recently divorced, highly anxious Dr. Toby Fleishman—does a lot of fantasizing of his own. With his wife out of the picture, Toby is free to date and sleep with other women for the first time in his adult life.

I know he’s a fictional character, but it still left me feeling some type of way when Toby had his first hook-up in Episode 1. Half an hour into the episode, he meets up with one of the women he’d matched with online. Over drinks, Toby’s date talks about losing her husband to his threesome addiction … and this quickly begets his rejuvenated, wild sex life. Not just with this date, Tess; he’s hooking up with other women too.

I’m no puritan, although I’m a little bit more prudish than I want to admit. But no matter what, a smash cut to naked Jesse Eisenberg touching naked breasts, clitorises, and butts is shocking. Happy as I want to be for Toby, who feels wanted for the first time in years, I can’t look past my gut reaction to his lust.

Strike two is when Toby, addled by divorcé ennui, takes what he thinks is a private naked swim in the family friends’ Hamptons pool. Private, it is not. First, there’s Jesse Eisenberg’s pasty white butt on display for all of us viewers to see; then, it’s on display for his hosts, too. They also get to see his dick, butdecided to let Eisenberg preserve his dignity. We saw all these random boobs, but we don’t get to see our star’s penis?is not for the sexually naive faint of heart.

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