Is the next phase of sex-positivity choosing not to have sex? Writer Amanda Mccracken weighs in
from the National Center for Health Statistics’ National Survey of Family Growth, 25% of single American women haven’t had a sex partner for two or more years, while more than 10% haven’t had a partner for five or more years.. The piece elicited many attacks, but it also elicited many emails of thanks, from women and men who wrote, “It’s a relief to know I’m not alone.” Recently, I reached out to several of these women to find out where the current sense of sex positivity had left them.
In her 30s, Amy began questioning why she was attracting partners who abandoned her. “I felt like I was an alien. I wondered if I was asexual, but I had sexual desire,” she says. Her own view of her body may have influenced the partners she was attracting, she says. When Amy was 12, she got her first period, but it faded away until she got on birth control in college. “That area of my body I felt very disconnected from,” she says.
In her mid-thirties, Ali realized her decision might affect her fertility. “I got to the point where I was actually content with not having kids,” she says. To those who tell her she’s repressed or damaged, she says her choice is the most counter-cultural thing she’ll ever do. “How could I be any more sex-positive than by placing the value I’ve put on the act?”
Anah was with her boyfriend for seven years before they split ways—never having had sexual intercourse. She attributes her anxiety around sex to OCD tendencies and her anxious attachment style. “I worry I’m going to do something wrong and then they’re going to leave me,” she says. Last fall, while casually dating a guy she felt really comfortable with, Anah says she was able to have sexual intercourse. “A few years ago, I thought I was an outcast.
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