Maybe. But here’s what you can do about it.
Financial-advice columnist Charlotte Cowles answers readers’ personal questions about personal finance.Most of us are a little bit addicted to a lot of things — Instagram, our email, whatever show we watched way too late last night. It’s human to crave more of what we like, and for the most part, pretty harmless. But sometimes it seems like the entire world is stacked against moderation.
I can definitely relate to being my own worst enemy with certain habits — shopping, especially. But why do we do this? It’s so frustrating to keep doing things that we know we’re going to regret. I find that when I order stuff online, the delay between when I order it and when it arrives often allows me to think better of my decision, and then I return it. Which is not entirely positive — it would be better if I didn’t order that thing in the first place, obviously — but it is better than keeping it, usually. How else would you apply these concepts to money and spending habits?
One message that I want people to get is that we all have different needs, but we are all greatly affected by feelings of scarcity. Experiencing the scarcity loop is not a personal failing. There are larger forces at play that push us to repeat habits that can hurt us. Getting out of that pattern is going to look different for everyone, but across the board, it’s almost never easy.
That’s true. For instance, I think removing yourself from the influence of others can be underrated and incredibly powerful. Obviously we need social connection to be well, but sometimes the people in our life aren’t giving you what you need in a particular moment. Disconnecting and having some time away from them, on your own, to think, process, figure out how you feel about things, that’s essential. Humans have been doing that for as long as we’ve been writing things down. And it’s free.
I think one of the hardest aspects of managing money is dealing with friends and family and their expectations for what you’re willing to spend to be with them. It’s not about stuff; it’s about relationships. How does the scarcity loop relate to that?