'Year after year, I’ve accepted half-hearted apologies and nebulous reassurance from folks who claim to have a deep investment in my happiness.'
"Year after year, I’ve accepted half-hearted apologies and nebulous reassurance from folks who claim to have a deep investment in my happiness.""For a while, I flinched when I was misgendered but said nothing," the author writes."Recently, though, I’ve begun pushing back: 'You’ll have to do better' is my new refrain."Lately, I’ve been embroiled in what feels like constant conversations about pronouns. The wrong ones. The right ones.
But I feel duped by some of the positive reactions from my friends and loved ones when I initially came out as transmasc/nonbinary. In retrospect, that was theIn the years since, I have come to find that I am in constant competition with my past. For a while, I flinched when I was misgendered but said nothing. Then, I began giving gentle reminders, followed by long-winded overtures of understanding.
The resulting friction from these interactions has had negative consequences in my relationships. I feel myself withdrawing from people I love — avoiding interactions that might lead to misgendering and shrinking in conversations that once felt safe and enjoyable. Aghast, the friend responded, “Wait, you mean to tell me that if we’ve spent time together on five separate occasions, gotten along otherwise, and I misgender them, they won’t want to see me again?”“That’s ridiculous,” her friend countered. “If that’s true, Kels is going to live one lonely life.”Without a doubt, the idea of dwindled community triggers the fear of loneliness within me.
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