'I became increasingly paranoid, questioning my own sanity. Gaslights flickered like a semaphore.'
Editors handpick every product that we feature. We may earn money from the links on this page.After a lifetime of Mr. Wrongs, Abby Ellin thought she had found—dashing, attentive, noble. But throughout their courtship then engagement, his behavior and stories of his past made her question who he truly was. The answer was one she never saw coming.My ex-fiancé helped orchestrate the raid on Osama bin Laden.
On our first date, in early February 2010, he took me to the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan. Over seared tuna and pinot noir, he confessed that the great trauma of his life was not becoming a brain surgeon, his true calling. He’d wanted to treat glioblastoma, one of the deadliest types of brain tumors, but he hadn’t received any surgical fellowships. My grandmother had died of the same cancer. How weird.
“I want to have an impact,” he said. “As long as my kids are in danger, I’ll do what I have to do to make the world safe for them.” Meeting men was never a problem. But I found it hard to meet men I liked who liked me back. And I’d had debilitating, aching bouts of loneliness, a hole in my chest so vast that neither food nor booze nor sex nor work could plug it. When you’ve been single long enough and dated everyone from alcoholic chefs to heteroquestionable set designers, you become flexible. My parents were thrilled with my new beau, but my mother was a little confused about his job status.
Apparently his son was having a delayed response to his parents’ divorce. He started weeping, violently, his shoulders heaving like an old Italian widow’s. “I’m so overwhelmed,” he said. What to do? Be supportive. Comfort him. Tell him I loved him and that we were a team. So I did all that. But my insides turned to water.
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