'Of all the things I anticipated might happen when I stopped drinking, I never expected to need talking points'
Photo: Millennium Images / Gallery Stock My last drink occurred just like my first. In a crowded room, surrounded by people I wanted to be like and be liked by.
My friends were incredibly supportive, but others were less so. When I said I didn’t drink, I often got a pitying look or a raised eyebrow. I’d find myself justifying the decision, recounting my drinking history to a stranger. Some people outright asked me, “Are you an alcoholic?” Which is why we need better words. It’s encouraging to see that the vocabulary around sobriety is changing, updated in recent years with terms like “sober curious” and “non-drinker.” But to fully change the conversation, we need to discard the antiquated assumptions. Despite the progress, one sentence still defines the narrative.This greeting in Alcoholics Anonymous is familiar, prominently featured in movies and books. AA is well-known for good reason. It’s accessible, available, and free.
I kept looking for the right words to explain my relationship to alcohol and couldn’t find them. Had I stopped drinking long enough to call myself “sober”? I wasn’t sure. “Sober curious” worked in the beginning, but not when I became certain that I was done drinking for good. “Non-drinker” was then the most accurate term, but it felt silly to define myself by what I’m not.
I kept drinking because I was afraid of what people would believe if I stopped, myself included. Everyone else drank, why couldn’t I? To stop drinking completely would be to admit that there was something wrong with me. My fears turned out to be unfounded. I still get invited to parties and asked on dates. I write more. I run more. I am the person I always wanted to be, all the time. I’ve found new ways to socialize, like running clubs and creative workshops that keep my hands busy, so there’s no pressure to drink. If I’m uncomfortable at a social event, my old signal to start drinking, I leave instead. I no longer put myself in situations that I have to numb myself to endure.
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