'There is no good reason for me to play the French horn. I’m a 31-year-old writer with no desire to join an orchestra.'
Photo-Illustration: The Cut; Videos: Getty Three of the most terrifying words in the English language are fifth-grade band. To give a hormonal preteen a trumpet? Maniacal. Obviously, I signed up.
As an 11-year-old, I hated the French horn for all the reasons you’d expect: I didn’t like being told to practice; it was a hard instrument to tote around and even more difficult to play; and it was far less cute than the clarinet or flute. But by fifth-grade standards, I was decent at it! In fact, I was first chair for most of fifth grade and middle school — please clap.
A couple of months ago, my neighbor knocked on my door at 8 p.m. with a French horn in his hand. He asked my husband, who plays music, if he happened to have any use for the instrument; it used to be his daughter’s but she no longer wanted it. Now, nearly two decades after letting the French horn go, she’s back for more.
It is very easy to be bad at the French horn. The instrument is deceivingly difficult given that there’s only four keys you press and, to play, you basically just make a fart with your mouth. In fact, it’s considered one of the hardest instruments to play, which, in hindsight, makes my middle-school self a prodigy. Fortunately, stumbling into French horn ownership has relieved any pressure to be good.
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