I’ve done the waiting, the unknowing, the frenzy of first labor pangs. And while there is joy in the surprise, there is also joy in the planning, in the kissing goodbye of cared-for older siblings, the scheduled arrival at the hospital.
I was reclined in a leather chair at the blow dry bar, my head tipped back into the basin as the stylist lathered lavender shampoo in my hair. “Getting ready for anything special?” she asked. I patted the swell of my stomach and told her I was having a baby tomorrow, a scheduled C-section, and that this might be my last good wash and blow dry for a while.
“Four C-sections? You can do that?” one of them said. I hadn’t known it was possible either, but ever since my first child’s birth ended in an emergency Cesarean, I’d been clinging to the story of my friend’s mother who had four of them, hoping I could do the same, because as a fourth child myself, I’ve always wanted a big family. “Yep,” I said, “You can do that.
I would not have chosen the path of the O.R. table, with my arms spread wide, the chrome overhead lights reflecting a strange scene below , the nurses and doctors all scrubbed and netted, everything bright and surgical. I had pictured a different backdrop for my babies’ entrances to the world, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned as a parent, it’s to stop worrying about how I once pictured things.
And, because there isn’t much joy to be found in being an immensely-pregnant-already-mom-to-three, that’s a joy I’m willing to take.lives in Raleigh, North Carolina, where she writes and raises babies. Her work has appeared in Flying South, Walter Magazine, Architectural Digest, and Food 52, among others. Family aside, her great loves are a South Carolina beach, a Roger Federer backhand, a Charlottesville lawn, and–most of all–a good story.
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