'Caring moments between my parents unknowingly showed me that I needed a partner who could see me but also make me feel seen.'
It was a regular Tuesday night. As we sat around as a family, I remember looking across the table at my husband, who was laughing at an awful knock knock joke that my oldest had just shared, when a memory from long ago came back to me:and my mother had a job that required a lot of her time and attention. Sometimes, as much as she tried, it was hard not to bring work home with her. One night, my dad was just starting to cook dinner when my mom walked through the door.
We are molded and defined by the relationships that we see growing up. Most of the time, it is the big, tangible things that we can point out and say, “I want to be that, I want to do that,” or even, “I will absolutely never have that kind of relationship.” Some people respond to the relationships that they see by becoming the exact opposite, and some people strive to have the kind of love that they grew up watching.
My parents have been married for over 40 years. It would be easy to say I want that kind of relationship, because of the longevity of it, but I also know couples who stayed together just as long who were unhappy, lonely, sad. Length doesn’t always equate with happiness. So instead of looking at my parents’ relationship and saying, “I want a marriage that lasts 40+ years,” I started to look at the little things. The hot cups of coffee they shared in the mornings.
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