A therapist and an etiquette expert explain how to handle inviting racist Aunt Sally to your next gathering.
on Facebook or your uncle's routine use of slurs in casual conversation? Do you have to invite people hell-bent on harming marginalized communities with their words and actions to the most important moments of your family's life?
"Creating an environment where everyone in attendance feels valued and comfortable is the number one etiquette standard a host should adhere to," says Tami Claytor, owner of. That means you're not required to invite family members and friends with whom you disagree on fundamental issues to events, she says.
Claytor suggests asking the person if they can abide by certain off-limits conversations, which puts the ball back in their court and makes your wishes known beforehand. Claytor suggests having a conversation on the phone or in person if you choose to exclude someone. "It may be helpful to communicate your reasons in a respectful and compassionate way to avoid causing hurt feelings or further conflict," adds Castanon, who shares some phrases you can use:"I hope you know that I value our relationship, but I've decided only to invite people who share my values to this particular event.
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