HolaPapi: 'I don’t feel like I’m good enough to be where I’m at. I know comparing myself to others is not what I should be doing, but what can I do?' jpbrammer responds
Illustration: Pedro Nekoi I live in a town of rich white people and poor Latinx people. While my high school was majority Latinx, in the classes I took I was usually the only person of color. I’m a Latino who can understand Spanish but has a crap accent when speaking it. My family’s socioeconomic status made me feel like an outsider to the white kids who could afford to do extravagant things after school.
I won some essay contests and started getting attention for it. My name was even on the after-school announcements! Pretty sick. Then, when college application season came around, I landed a big one: I got into Duke. That was a huge deal in my neck of the woods. Not Ivy League or anything, but, well, I still don’t know what that term even means.
I know what I’m supposed to say here, Imposter. I’m supposed to say, “Think like a straight white guy.” Carry yourself with his confidence, tackle things like he would tackle them, believe in yourself like he believes in himself. And, sure, I think there are some benefits to dabbling in that. But on the whole, it’s never really worked for me, and here’s why.
For four! I have this theory that under capitalism, we’re all imposters and the people we see as competent have merely made peace with the reality that you can’t bring your whole self, your compassion, your gentleness, your humanity, into the fighting pit. So often, people are rewarded for prioritizing profits at the expense of others with less power. I don’t think any of us should be aiming for that, even if we’d be the first queer brown person in any given institution to do it.
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