Anxiety tells you the only way not to be anxious is to do everything perfectly or not at all. Here's how to stop listening—and start living your life.
. If you struggle with this, here are some tips to help you break out:Your anxious brain tends to tell you to pull back: Don’t ask about a pay raise if you’re worried about upsetting your boss; don’t sign up for that course if you’re afraid you won’t do well; or, for Mia, don’t go to the party if you’re worried you’ll mess up. Anxiety tells you the only way not to be anxious is to do it perfectly or not at all.
No wonder it’s easy to feel overwhelmed; no wonder Mia chokes about going to the party. But because she feels better when she stays home, it not only makes those anxiety circuits in her brain stronger, but her tolerance for anxiety goes down. Avoidance increasingly becomes her default, only making the problem worse.
The antidote is to push back against your anxiety and step out of your comfort zone. Doing this increases your anxiety tolerance, and you find out that what you think will happen usually doesn’t. Do this enough times, and you begin to find the world less frightening.Rather than staying home, Mia can go to the party but tell herself she needs to only stay for 15 minutes. Or she’ll go for the first-date coffee rather than dinner. You’re looking for your window of success.
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