Here’s my best advice for how to survive your relatives over the holidays.
It’s the holidays, which means it’s time for my annual public service column. I do this from my heart, to help you readers out in your time of need.Invent an imaginary friend. Now, I’ve given you this advice before, but some of you have yet to take me up on it. So I’m repeating myself, and I want to remind you: People who listen to me live happy lives. Those who don’t, well, don’t.
“So they have been fighting all the time, and I think they might be getting a divorce,” I’d tell her. And, sure enough, we’d spend the rest of the phone call speculating on the health of my brother’s marriage and his unlikely future prospects for happiness, while forgetting entirely to examine my own flaws in detail.
Seriously. It works. You’ll have to evaluate your own particular family to devise the exact scheme to engage everyone present in the kitchen, because it always seems these conversations take place in the kitchen, don’t you think? …..that my friend “Tabitha” is about to lose her house because she owes a fairly small amount on a balloon payment but she can’t pay it because her rotten cheating husband took all the money and moved to Syracuse with his secretary. She hasn’t asked me, but should I lend her the money to pay it off? Would she be offended? She doesn’t know that I heard about her dilemma. Maybe someone else already stepped up and I don’t have to.
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