'I don’t want to be the only one who initiates, plans, delegates and worries about every task.' If this sounds like you, read this:
. I didn’t wish to physically kill him, but I wanted to yell at him—a lot. He’d agreed to get the baby monitor fixed, but weeks later, he still hadn’t done it. So there I was, picking up a new monitor that I had researched and ordered, while my twin toddlers were napping at home. Instead of crashing on the couch during kid nap time , I was silently cursing him.
I broached the topic with Brendan, and he confessed he wasn’t totally happy with the division of labour either. For one thing, he resented how I criticize the way he handles a chore. He also said he’s well-aware of the imbalance at our house—it makes him feel guilty, which makes him want to do more. But he completes tasks as fast as possible, which leads to mistakes, which I then have to fix .
We read her book, Work Simply, and took her online productivity style assessment. Brendan scored high as an Arranger and a Visualizer, while I was firmly a Planner and a Prioritizer. As an Arranger, Brendan is best at communicating, so he took over any task that involves talking, like text-ing babysitters and calling our internet company to fix our spotty service. I owned menu planning and making the grocery lists because I love that kind of stuff.
This advice isn’t easy for me to put into practice, but when I’m exhausted, I tell myself, Let it go. For example, if Brendan folds the laundry a certain way, I’ve loosened up the reins and will give in instead of taking over or insisting he do it the way I would. Before our self-care Sundays, I felt like I was in an endless loop of prioritizing other people’s needs, but now, I take a break. The annoyance I feel about the imbalance of emotional labour takes a night off, too.It wasn’t all smooth sailing. One Sunday, I blew up at Brendan after I was left with chores while he went out with a friend.
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