In the latest installment of lianafinck’s monthly advice column, a letter writer seeks advice on how to deal with parents who just don’t understand.
For that matter, the same goes for partners and close friends. Sometimes, I️ think that the closer we are to someone, the less able they are to see us at all.
The trick, perhaps, is to step back and observe. Figure out what they’re receptive to and what’s a lost cause. Try to determine how much directness they can handle, and how much will backfire and just make them defensive. I find that this skill is hard and unintuitive and takes a lot of time to get right. But it does seem like time is on your side.
As a very direct dog, I’ve found that politeness is more important than I️ think it is. Try to speak respectfully even when you’re being direct. Don’t yell. You’ll just make them dig in their heels. At the same time, don’t hide. Don’t eat the meat, don’t go to church if it’s against your values, and certainly don’t marry the girl!
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