Advice from Annie Lane.
I’ve been married for 26 years. I have a 24-year-old son at home on the autism spectrum, and his 4-year-old daughter, of whom he has full custody. They get by with my help, and money, of course.
When I try to talk to her about it, she turns it back on me and says that I shouldn’t blame her for my problems. She said that since I’ve been doing it so long, she just expects it. This is not very comforting. She said, “Why don’t you have some alone time and do something that makes you happy?” Instead of brewing like a little teakettle that is going to blow, just tell her exactly how you feel. It is understandable that her lack of appreciation has made you not want to do nice things for her, but you have to tell her that. Couples therapy could help ease this conversation, so that pent-up resentments could be dealt with calmly.I read with interest the letter from the 63-year-old mother whose children felt she was wasting her money by going back to school and finishing her degree.
I graduated cum laude at the age of 56. It took me seven months to get the job of my dreams, but after eight years of working, my husband and I were able to pay everything off, accumulate a great nest egg, and now we can travel wherever we want. Better yet, our children don’t have to worry about taking care of us if things were to get bad.
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