Advice from Annie Lane.
I have a dilemma. My retired father constantly texts me -- I mean all day long. I have texted him back “Have a good rest of your day,” trying to hint to him that I’m done texting him for the day. He doesn’t get it. Then I asked him directly to please not text me so often. He said he was sorry and would try to text me less. That lasted a day. He even texted me all day long when I was on vacation! Now I have blocked him, but he doesn’t know that.
Have an in-person conversation with your dad to explain how much you value your relationship with him, but also express your need for space during your busy days or personal time. It’s important he understands that your replies might be delayed, not because you don’t care but because you have other commitments. I suspect your dad might be feeling lonely and is desperately seeking human connection and company.
Now, she wants to meet my mom and me. Unfortunately, I am apprehensive and reluctant to meet her. My brother called me while I was driving, so my mom mostly talked to her. I talked for maybe five minutes to her. He told me later that he asked what she thought of us. Her reply was, “Your mom is a hoot, and your sister has a lot of opinions.”
I feel a little hurt at this revelation. It seems to suggest that I’m opinionated or that she didn’t like my opinions. It didn’t sound positive. I asked my mom and brother if I said anything rude. Mom said no. My brother didn’t see anything negative about his girlfriend’s comment. I inquired again a couple weeks later, and he no longer remembers the incident. I haven’t said anything negative about his girlfriend, so I don’t understand her remark.
Considering your reservations, suggesting a shorter meeting, like a lunch or coffee, is a reasonable approach. It gives you a chance to meet her without the commitment of an extended visit, and it’s perfectly respectful.Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs.
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