Dear Abby hears from readers who reveal how they dealt with the death of their spouse.
“Unsure How To Feel” was upset about changes her sister-in-law was making after the death of her husband. Within months, the widow had given away the husband’s belongings and begun making changes to their home. I saw myself in that column. I lost my beloved husband unexpectedly at the age of 47. Seeing his clothes and belongings in our closets every time I opened the doors was painful. They were a constant reminder of what I’d lost.
And as for the SIL’s remodeling, I did exactly what she did. For me, it was a way to regain control of my life. My husband’s death was shocking and heartbreaking. Having a project gave me something to focus on other than my grief. cut some slack with those who are going through the grieving process. It’s a horrible experience. Each person has to survive it in their own way. Just because it isn’t your way doesn’t make it wrong. —Thank you for your wise words. They are so true.
Your sister-in-law is not disregarding your brother and his memory. She will always hold his memory in her heart, as you do. But living in that space likely requires her to make it less of a constant reminder of the love she has lost. —I lost my husband seven months ago and began cleaning out his stuff almost immediately. Why would I want to look at his clothes every day? How does “Unsure” know her late brother’s marriage was so “good”? People thought that about mine, but it wasn’t.
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